Part III · Love, Relationships & People

CHAPTER 11Girlfriend, Wife, or Single — Don't Lose Yourself

Healthy relationships · Communication · Individuality · Emotional safety

A good relationship should feel like more room, not less. You should still have your friends, your money sense, your own opinions, and a life that would still be interesting if he never called again.

Merge your lives, not your identities. The healthiest couples I have watched over the years have two whole people in them who choose each other on purpose, on a Tuesday, when nothing special is happening.

Keep these

  • “Compatibility is mostly how you two handle a bad week.”
  • “A partner who wants less of you does not want you.”
  • “Keep your friends. They knew you first and they will tell you the truth.”

Practical steps

  • Protect one friendship and one solo interest no matter your relationship status.
  • Have one honest conversation per month before it becomes an argument.
  • Notice whether you are calmer or more anxious after time together.
  • Keep your own money awareness even in a shared household.

Crown Work

Crown Work — Girlfriend, Wife, or Single — Don't Lose Yourself

Ten prompts, written for this chapter. Write by hand if you can — the slower pace tends to tell the truth faster.

  1. 01

    What I Realized

    Who are you when you are with them, compared to who you are alone?

  2. 02

    What I Need to Release

    What part of yourself have you quietly put in storage?

  3. 03

    What I Need to Protect

    What about your independence needs protecting?

  4. 04

    What I Want

    What do you want this relationship to feel like on an ordinary day?

  5. 05

    What I Am Afraid Of

    What are you afraid to say to them?

  6. 06

    What I Can Control

    Name three things about your own life you can tend to this week.

  7. 07

    One Conversation I Need to Have

    What conversation have you been rehearsing but not having?

  8. 08

    One Boundary I Need to Set

    What behavior are you no longer going to absorb quietly?

  9. 09

    One Thing I Will Do for Myself

    Do one thing that is purely yours this week.

  10. 10

    My Crown Commitment

    Finish this: I stay myself in love by…